Tuesday, March 29, 2011

the lord giveth and taketh away...

So just recently I lost my grandma to cancer. I suppose theologically speaking I lost her to the "Fall of Man." She was a believer of 84 years of age. She had excepted Christ as her savior just a few years ago. Even though she ran the race for a short time, she ran it, and she finished. She was my girl. I called her "Buster" because that's what she always called me as a kid. We would always watch dancing with the stars together and try and guess who was going to win. She loved to laugh, humor was her first love. I'll miss her dearly although I am rejoicing that she is now witnessing Christ in all of His Glory. A moment which my heart yearns for. A moment which my heart desperately needs. It's been a rough few days coping with the loss of a family member, and ultimately a dear friend. I'll never forget all the Christmases in New York, at her place way back when. I'll miss her smile and our brief, quaint conversations. But what my heart and mind has chosen to never let go of is the final question she ever asked me. A question which I'll never forget. A question which once answered brings you to one of the fullest comprehensions of the person of Christ. My grandmother was kind. She was no pastor or theologian. She had a simple understanding of Jesus and His work on the cross. She never studied theology or even graduated from college. But in our final conversation on this earth she asked me "nick, why do you think He made it this way?" I didn't know what to say. I racked my brain for everything I've learned as a Bible Major for some passage of scripture or some Barth quote that summed it all up. But, I couldn't. As I tried to formulate a response she slowly fell back to sleep. And in that moment I realized that the question was a kind hearted retort. That is my fondest memory of her. She posed a question which will transform my life as long as I am willing to ask it.  

19 comments:

  1. nick, this is beautiful. what a lovely story and what a lovely relationship. even though theology and religious studies are very important, i too want to study theology, its interesting how the simple things can touch our heart deeper than any study. that question that your grandmother asked was so pure and i'm so pleased to see your response to it. i am so glad that you we not upset that you couldn't answer it, but intrigued and inspired so that you could begin to live your life by it. i don't know if i'm making any sense, but i just want you to know that this is touching and i really will be praying for a healed heart, a heart that will cherish how precious her life was.

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  2. Shea, you are too kind. Thank you so much for your sweet words of encouragement. It truly means the world. Thank you for caring enough to thoughtfully "Circle" around my life in a Christ centered manner. God bless you! :)

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  3. brother, Nick...wow.

    Bro, I also lost my grandmother to cancer 7 years ago...actually last week was the anniversary, if it can even be worthy of being called that, I don't know. She was my girl, too. The most pure hearted and genuine woman you could imagine. And I didn't even get to embrace her love fully until it was too late. She loved all her grandchildren, but we had a special friendship that was different. Even now, I begin to cry as I write this because I am able to remember all the amazing times we shared. I'm not entirely sure if she knew the Lord, which makes me cry more. But you are right, the Lord giveth as He also taketh. He is good. Always. No matter what. I would give anything to have just one more minute with my grandma but the times we did share, were irreplaceable. She never taught me theology or was able to quote Spurgeon and the like, but she taught me how to love someone without ceasing. In a way, she showed me Jesus early by loving me the way she did. I have a grandfather and grandmother still alive that both mean the world to me, but they do not know Jesus. This breaks my heart into a million pieces and is a deep, unsettling feeling to think that they could go anytime soon without knowing the Lord. This has brought great encouragement to me to reach out to my family more. I can't express how amazing it was to just get out some tears tonight and truly rest in the hands of the Father as He brings rest to my soul. May God's peace and love abound, brother. He loves you so much.

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  4. My great grandma died suddenly earlier this month. I wasn't able to go home for her funeral. I am so thankful for those moments where we can look back and see such value in certain, specific times with family. What a great blessing that her identity was found in the Creator. Still, praying for peace and rest in this time.

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  5. Nick -- beautiful, touching words. I'll be praying for you and your family in this time for sure! It is awesome to be able to see a person as they are, how they loved us, and how their love reflects our Fathers love. Part of His plan was for her to be in your life and you in hers. Until you meet again in Glory, her love for you lives on in part through your faith.

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  6. what a beautiful legacy your grandma left-a question that will continually point you toward a deeper understanding of Jesus.

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  8. I'm excited that your grandma now gets to be in the presence of Jesus.We can be comforted knowing we will be reunited. That is awesome you had the opportunity to spend time with her before she passed away and be asked such a deep question that you will be able to ponder on. I'll be praying for you and your family.

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  9. I just wanted to say that I wish I had a close relationship with my grandmother. She also passed away after having accepted the Lord into her heart. I know this isn't really related to the main point you were making in your blog entry, but I have the hope from reading your blog entry, that I will be able to spend time with her, when I see her face-to-face.

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  10. You are so blessed to have the last moments with her be the most fond memory of her. I lost my grandfather a little over 2 years ago and most of my dad's side are not Christians. It was great to see how my dad handled his death and had such comfort that he was going to be with the Lord when my dad's brothers had no certainty. Thanks for sharing.

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  11. nick, this is so beautiful. what a sweet, authentic picture of human relationship. it brought me to tears. and what a question. that's what does me in. thank you so much for sharing this. i'll be thinking of it for a long time.

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  12. I'm so sorry for your loss brother but I too am rejoicing with you that she is with the King now in heaven. What a precious gift to have that last moment with her. It is truly those moments that have an everlasting impact on the people we are and become. Treasure it. Love you brother and I shall be praying for your family. So stoked for you to see her again someday :)

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  13. THANK YOU ALL SOO DANG MUCH. YOUR KIND WORDS AND ENCOURAGEMENT FROM EVERYTHING FROM MY WRITING TO MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY GRANDMOTHER HAS BEEN SUCH A BLESSING! I DEARLY LOVE EACH OF YOU AND I FEEL UNDESERVING OFF ALL OF YOUR GRACE AND KINDNESS TOWARD ME. THANKS FOR CIRCLING AROUND ME IN THIS ROUGH TIME, I WILL NEVER FORGET IT.

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  14. Thank you for sharing. This story is so touching and so intriguing. The relationship you described is beautiful and I love it. Praise the Lord for bringing her to Him and that she is rejoicing before Him now. Heavy question. That is for sure and an answer that I will never be able to answer, but He will. One day, we will know. Thanks Nick.

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  15. and I'm saying prayers for you and your family.

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  16. You have honored her memory and your relationship with her. I can feel your love for her and her love for you. How beautiful. Praying for you.

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  17. This is lovely Nick. Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful memory with us.

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  18. nick, I am very sorry for your loss and for the grief that you are enduring because of it. it is clear that you had a deep and very meaningful relationship with your grandma. what you are doing with your memories with her is absolutely beautiful, though! you can absolutely honor her in this way, and honor the privilege she gained in knowing Christ to be able to pass that question on to you, that is now, undeniably changing your life. how sweet it truly is. I am praying for yo and for your family in this time. may you continually seek Him in every moment of joy, pain, trial, and suffering. He is always with us.

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  19. Beautifully written. Sorry for your loss, but it seems that you are at least handling it well. I feel that in remembering my grandmother, it was the memories in the last year of her life. You have done brilliant in your honoring her and I am sure she is smiling down from heaven after your loving memory. Praying for you bud!

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